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Nov. 3rd, 2009 @ 07:11 pm
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I've found myself feeling kind of emo lately. (I guess that's the right term.) There's been so many things happening - some of them good (like getting a job, or going to Alchemy) - and some of them really crappy (like losing Tigger, or being unwillingly thrown into bullshit scenarios by people who are not very good at being honest.) I keep perfecting the art of letting go. A fruit tree that holds a few moldy produce bits. (Yes, i am calling bullshit in my life rotten fruit. What would you call it?) You give your heart, and it's thrown back in your face (like you'd be the very last option, over even the bed hopper, and the little-in-common.) You reach out and trust, and you end up afraid that insane and unfortunate things are going to continue to be struck your way. You lose your 15-year best friend.
You get to a point where you just want nothing more than to disappear. I can't handle it. Too fucking much flashing at me. I can't handle it!
Disclaimer: No, i'm not suicidal.
Can this be it for a little while? Can my trust stop being fucked with, my heart stop breaking, my loved ones stop leaving? I can't handle much more of it right now. I realize that it's a part of life, but it doesn't need to be a constant.
For those watching my Facebook: Yeah, this is what i meant when i said that i had a lot of healing to do.
I'll be okay, but damn...Tunes: : "Half Assed" - Ani DiFranco |
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Oct. 17th, 2009 @ 05:29 pm
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Dear classical violinists,
Stop freaking telling me how to play my instrument.
Indeed, if i was playing classical music, i would in fact be doing it wrong. But i'm not. You should try playing another genre: You'd be doing it wrong. :p
I don't give a shit that you don't like my bow, or my style of playing. I didn't ask you to come up and start insulting me. No one asked you, in fact. This empty room is full of people who care about your opinion of my violin playing.
Next "classical" violinist who comes up to me covered in snob juice, i'm telling off.
Holly Overton of the Smoking Fez Monkeys - classically trained, and violinist of numerous genres - thank you for being awesome, and not telling me that i'm doing it wrong. Thank you for actually knowing what you're talking about. :)
Fellow violinist who has been playing for 6 goddamn years without breaking my fucking bow,
~Starlie~Feeling all: :  pissed off |
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NOTE: Photos are...
Recycled Rainbow: http://www.flickr.com/photos/7649042@N06/sets/72157608239845162/ (RR09 ends at Amanda as sexy nurse greeter. Second to last is Jeff getting greeted.)
Alchemy: http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v426/sndgalway/burns/Alchemy%202009/
(Please pardon any typos in this, as my mind is still crazy upside-down.)
So Alchemy was this past weekend, and Recycled Rainbow was the weekend before. I will address RR before i get to Alchemy, so here goes...
Y'all may have noticed that i have said basically nothing about Recycled Rainbow this year. Everyone's been talking about it, and aside from adding a quick memory to an already thought here and there, i've stayed quiet. There is very much a reason for this, and it's taken me a few days, another burn, and some intense experiences (good and bad) to be able to articulate it (and i'm still not totally sure if i've figured it all out.)
I've been burning since 2005, i've been to 12 (i think?) burn events (including RR Primer), and RR09 was the first one that i did not feel.
To me, a true burn is an event that changes your life, that wakes you up, that spins you upside-down, that makes you want to cry when you leave, and that - when someone asks you how it was - catches you perfectly speechless. I didn't really experience any of this with RR this year. Quite honestly, for most of the time, it felt like a party in the woods.
And i want to make a big point here that those reading this who are curious about RR but haven't been there should not let my experience taint your choice. Please read on, as this was something that happened with me, and not with most. (I have heard others totally rave about it, fyi.)
I'm still not sure what went wrong with me vs. RR, but in talking to a friend of mine at Alchemy, i came to realize that it was at least in part the same issue that both she and another fellow experienced at Transformus this year. It goes with being too involved, having too many projects, being too busy with the event. And even with Dawn - Goddess bless her forever for her work at the gate as my co-lead - i was busy with the gate, and with getting ready for Cyberdelic, and so on and so forth. I wasn't excited about RR before it happened, i never truly got excited about it, and i never really felt any of the magick that i hope was there. (And as a side note: I know and love the Cleveland burners. They're a fantastic group, so please, any one of you reading this: Do not feel offended or hurt in any way, because if you do, then you're not understanding.)
I had a few magical experiences, including dancing with Habari and Graham in front of Cyberdelic, out in the rain, while a group of others nearby were taking part in Noodlegeddon 2.0. The tower, which - pre-burn - is certainly one of my favorite effigies (or whatever the artist wants to call it) thus far. The temple burn to a certain extent, but i was having issues with someone that evening, though i just needed to let the fuck go and stop giving a damn about those issues. I watched the tower burn with everyone for a brief time, but - greatly in part again with the stupid issues that i'm probably the only one aware of, because *some* people tend to be totally oblivious - i ended up far from the burn, on the top of the hill at the Java Hut, watching it from there.
I am going to be stepping back a great deal from RR next year, focused on only one project (which i fully intend to be really good, with more of my energy and attention.) My story is not as unfortunate as the one fellow's from T'Fus: I do intend to return to RR, but the magick this year was really not there for me.
So stop asking how my RR burn was, because for me, it wasn't all that great. (But that will change next year.)
I am also intending to be at the RR Decompression, fyi.
Alchemy on the other hand is still leaving me breathless.
For those who did not come: You have no idea what you missed, and may you join me there next year! (I say: I am glad i chose Alchemy over Burning Man.)
I went there expecting a lot. I know the DSB (Dirty Southern Burners). They're a fucking BEAUTIFUL and AMAZING tribe, they are my family (those who i have met and those who i haven't), and they are also who i began burning with in the first place. So after the 10+ hour drive down to Georgia, we finally arrived, and i jumped out of the car and embraced hugs and spankings from total strangers. :)
I will write different things i remember in the form of the following, instead of a whole big long story...
~ Setting up the tent super fast so i could get all dressed up and go out and play. (Thank you Becky for your patience with my insane tent building strategies!)
~ The Pagan Wheel of Fortune, which was at the Erotic Exotic Social Psychotic Fruit Stand, which was the camp we were with. I spun it, and resulted with me and Krystal eating the same banana as fast as we could, trying not to choke until we met in the middle. I won't think of bananas the same way again. :p
~ The Colosseum, which was a part of the Fruit Stand. Two people would be blind-folded, given pool noodles, spun around, and have to beat the crap out of each other and search the ground until they found the condom. I got to see this twice, and the second time was my command (i had been made Empress), as well as be the one to toss the condom into the ring.
~ Wandering the grounds with Becky, Krystal Light, and new friend Lou on Thursday night. Seeing many sights, and hanging out inside a tipi, reading books about pot, carousels, and Dr. Suess goodness. Wearing my light up wings on this trip, and suddenly noticing that someone had placed a beaded jingling gift on them sometime that evening. (I still don't know who did it. My guess is Sugar Kayne, Becky suggests Lou, but i have no clue. I'm a poet and i don't know it.)
~ The amazing beautiful effigy.
~ The setup under the effigy. Headphones on (which played different [sometimes vibrating] tones), glasses on (which had a blinking red light for each eye, back and forth, over and over), close your eyes, and experience it. I'm not sure what you'd call it, but i gather that some of my more geeky burner friends know about it. You saw different images and patterns. They were red at first, but got colorful after awhile. It was gloriously trippy!
~ The camp right next to us, which had a REALLY good sound system (and projector).
~ Zombie Camp, and Zombie Jeopardy!
~ Colin's strawberry and coconut pancakes.
~ The ball pit! Sitting in there during the day with Becky, Lude (RR folk will remember him as the guy with the awesome yellow hat last year), Thing 1, and a few people i didn't know. Everyone throwing balls and stuffed toys at each other. Lude - who was camped with the ball pit - teasing me about "fondling his balls".
~ Having the freedom to do the nudity thing. I was topless all day Friday and Saturday, and it was beautifully freeing. A burn secluded enough for this = win. :)
~ Skinny dipping Saturday afternoon with Becky and a mess of people i didn't know, whose names i cannot recall, but they were all beautiful. The water was so cold, i had to hold onto the dock and catch my breath for fear of drowning.
~ Ice cream cart!
~ The temple (which was a great place to hang.)
~ After being told by Wordplay himself before the event that he wasn't going to be able to make it, being wonderfully surprised to run into him at Area 51!
~ People i ran into included: Wordplay, Chw, Aneaj, Lodgekeeper, Molly (Insomniac Poet), Krystal, Brian (both of whom were with the same theme camp i was with), Sugar Kayne, David, Vespa, Greggor, Sally, Sauce.
~ Making many new friends.
~ The legend of the raver cow being continued by (at least) me, Becky, and especially Krystal Light (who spray painted "raver cow lives!" near the port-o-loos before Becky and i even got there.)
~ Doing a greeters shift Friday evening.
~ Getting randomly recruited *twice* to help out with LNT. Volunteerism! :)
~ Camp SCIENCE! (Which - can you believe it - had mighty good margarita on tap.)
~ Camp SCIENCE!'s musical at Center Camp on Saturday. Scientists travel back in time, but can only go backwards. They keep asking different science geniuses through history how to go forwards in time. With each famous scientist, they were given another drug (E, pot, 'shrooms, etc. "That puts the 'meth' in 'method'!") A new song parody for each scientist too. ("Danger! High Voltage!" and "Shock The Intern" from Tesla, for instance.) They ended up in the future in the end, and everyone (audience included) did the Time Warp.
~ Leaving Center Camp after the show, only to find the pirate ship waiting right there for me. Getting a ride up the hill on it.
~ Philosopher's Stone, which almost always held many delights. An open mic (with wisdom pouring out of the speakers), a library, a DJ set-up, a rubens tube, Pyro Celt creating flame on the naked breasts of many lovely women (i'm hoping he'll do this again, because i do want to try it), an art car with a pole on top to dance around, an absinthe bar, and lots more.
~ Making the funny mistake of mixing Hunter Thompson and Marilyn Manson late Saturday night. (I had some of the Gonzo beer, and a glass of absinthe about an hour later.) Somehow, these two met within me, and caused me to be more intoxicated than i've ever been. My logic was well enough to know that wandering off into the dark alone was a bad idea, so i stayed there for awhile and danced and had a jolly good time. :)
~ Misplacing Becky on Sunday evening (we were going to meet at the Philosopher's Stone, actually), and going around looking for her. Ending up at Area 51, which was empty, except for David and one of the faerie people i remembered from Transformus years back (whose name i learned was Sven. Such a sweetie!) Caught a ride with them on their Area 51 vehicle golf cart thing all the way back down to Center Camp. (Later on getting to hang with and talk to Sven more by the fire as well, which wouldn't have happened had i not made that original connection that evening.)
~ Ending up by the big bonfire near Center Camp on Friday (?) night, where there was drumming, and a woman singing Pagan songs. I was seemingly the only other person who knew the tunes, so she and i belted them out. I never knew who she was.
~ Some random crazy things that i will elaborate on if you ask me in person.
~ Sunday night, watching the sky, convinced it was getting lighter out and that sunset was approaching. Deeply curious, i checked the time, and it was half past midnight. That blew my mind.
~ Ending up by the fire on Sunday night near Center Camp, with Becky, Demolition, Colin, and Caleb. Showing Colin the ball pit (with Becky), and one of us (i won't say who, to save any silly embarrassment) slipping and falling into the pit onto their ass (followed by a ton of giggles.) Showing Demolition the ball pit, and both of us unable to stop laughing. Huddled arm-in-arm by the fire with Demolition and Caleb, keeping warm. Becky joining us, us deciding to move to Center Camp, unwilling to let go of each other because it was too cold, and the four of us - still huddled - crab walking and inching our goofy selves all the way there (laughing insanely the whole time.)
~ Apparently impressing my fellow greeters, and so: being asked to work perimeter for burn night, which meant that i would get a front row seat of the burn.
~ Burn night. It was the best lighting of an effigy i've ever seen (yes: over Burning Man.) Those who were at Transformus '05 may remember Riz's crazy huge fire cannons? The ones that created a shock effect so big, it made my skirt move from all the way across the burn field. Imagine those times 12. Two at a time, a few rounds of that, bright flashes, and a final even bigger one, which lit the effigy. Very few people knew what was going to happen, not even the perimeter crew. So as i was standing just on the edge, the cannons went off, and i had to shield my face. There were rumours the next day of singed eyebrows and slightly melted faux fur coats. It was seriously intense, and it caught me breathless. The Alchemy theme this year, by the way, was "Shock and Awe". ;)
~ Sitting alone by the fire Monday morning (before Caleb joined me), feeling rather miserable, waiting for Becky to return with the car (after driving into town...long story...), in possession of only the most important things (my cell phone, wallet, etc.), hungry, and having a random guy walk by and offer me a pancake. :p
Monday morning was a bit fucked up in actually packing up and leaving. I won't go into the story, but it was the opposite of fun. As crappy as that morning was though, the rest of the event out-shined it. :)
We finally got on the road, and after getting lost twice (my directions were crappy, and Becky and i hadn't had much sleep), cursing in a NC/GA accent (it took a couple of days to shake that one), we arrived at the house of one of my best friends in the whole wide world (near Boone, NC.) Todd and Lorie Bush, who i hadn't seen in way too damn long. They took us in and hugged us and fed us and showered us with love. We all crashed kind of early that night, and Becky and i intended to leave the next day. I called Craig (my boss back in Cleveland, remember?) and asked if we had to work on Wednesday. He determined Thursday, which granted me more than he'll ever know. Todd invited us to stay an extra day because of this, so we did. Todd, Becky, and i went out and about on adventures. Stopped at his photo studio (he's a professional photographer) and did a crazy silly photo shoot (i'll post some pictures from that, i promise.) Drove on to Linville Gorge and climbed to the top of a mountain. It was misty that day, but we did have an amazing view from the top. We were up there for hours, and ended up meditating at one point. Coming out of the meditation and seeing that sight (we were just on the edge) was simply breathtaking. We climbed down and hung out in the parking lot, drawing pictures of things that represented the climb, jamming on guitar and harmonica, and dancing. We had some *really* good Mexican food for dinner, and then decided to head over to Brown Mountain to see the Brown Mountain Lights. (Todd's lived in the area for years, but had never seen them.) Again, it was misty, so we didn't see much, so we danced and sang and stayed out there for about 3 hours and wrote a song. And we did see a little (which actually appeared about 30/40 feet away from us.) The next day, we showed Todd photos from Alchemy (and a few pictures from RR), added another verse to the song, recorded it, hung out in his yoga room, and jammed on sitar and tablas (sweet music of India, sweet India, namaste! Baba nam kevalam!)
Leaving both Alchemy and Todd & Lorie's house was difficult, and held tears in my eyes both times. I was with friends i've known for years, and new friends. Much love, much beauty, many dancing spirits. It was intensely beautiful. Alchemy was not Transformus, as to me, i don't think Transformus will ever be beaten. But it was close. Man, it was damn close.
Life is too short. May life be passionate, and full. Spread your wings and live and love and laugh and be. To those who were not able to make it to Alchemy: I am so sorry. You missed one hell of an event.
I am forever changed.
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(My dear sweet kitty passed away early this morning. This is my written post-death love to her.)
Tigger came into my life when i was 7 (i think?) She was a crazy bitch, and i didn't really like her. :p At the time, we had a shaman and his girlfriend living with us, and they adopted her (in addition to another cat that they had called "Mama Cat".) Tig was about 1 year old when she came. She was wild and unkind. Our friends lived in the basement, and we put a gate at the top of the stairs to keep Tigger from coming up, but she actually kept jumping right over it. She scared the living daylights out of me, and i remember standing on a chair, trying to stay away from her.
When the shaman and his girlfriend (Gary and Heather) moved out, i asked my mom if we could adopt Mama Cat. I had always wanted a kitty, and Mama was a kind and mellow feline. They said no, but offered Tigger. I was uneasy, but went with it anyhow. (Remember, i was a kid.) Despite my fear of her, i decided to make friends, and for the next couple of years, i started to talk to her and reach out to her. She mellowed, and we became good friends who trusted each other.
I had her also throughout my teen years, which was insanely helpful and wonderful. Always, for the whole time i had her, if i was sick or distressed, she would always find me and cheer me up by sitting in my lap, purring, licking me, etc. She had so many of my tears in her fur from so many troubled times. We took care of each other, and were always very very close.
We had a strange relationship as well, because we abused each other. I sometimes yelled at her, and she tried to literally scratch my eyes out more than once, but it usually took about 30 seconds for us to be okay again. She also - especially in the winter - tended to sleep in bed with me, under the blanket. She didn't like it when i left on a trip, but usually didn't hold the grudge quite as badly if i remembered to tell her that i was going, and that i'd come back. And as a part Pagan (eclectic spiritualist), she was my familiar, and always will be (whether her body is with me or not.)
She had been having a little trouble breathing within the last year or so, especially after last Christmas. After i got back from RR, she was worse, and i've been keeping an eye on her.
Last night, i went downstairs, and she was laying on the cold floor, very out of it and breathing very hard out of her mouth. Her eyes were glazed over. She ended up weakly walking a few feet away, laid down, twitched, and cried in a way i had never heard her. (This was the point where i freaked totally, and i was crying worse than she was.) When cats are very sick and/or towards the end of their life, they tend to hide, but Tigger didn't do that. I sat down by her, and after a little while of heavy breathing, she got up enough strength to stand up, walk to me, and lay down in my lap. She rested there for a couple of hours. She ended up doing this a second time a little later, but was so weak, she fell into me, and ended up laying on the floor again, crying.
Everyone in the house stayed up for most of the night, and i didn't really leave her side. (I tried to sleep in my bed at one point, a few feet away, but didn't really.) Around 4:30am, i noticed that her drool had some blood in it, and i knew i'd have to have her put down.
In all of her 16 years, Tigger finally listened to me. After seeing the blood, i told her that it was okay to let go. I begged her to let go, actually. To die in her own house next to me was the best way, and not in the car or at the vet. She finally listened to me, and with a final couple of last minutes of rolling around, crying, and twitching, Tigger passed at around 5am Wednesday morning.
We buried her at dawn, on the edge of the forest in the back yard, next to many other felines before her.
As hard as it was, as hard as it is, as hard as it's going to be, i am eternally grateful that she went the way she did, and that she chose that time. She could have gone a day later, when i was in NC or GA. She could have gone a few hours before, while i was at work. Or the worst of all: She could have died alone, a couple of days before, while we were at RR. But she waited, and she rested in my arms, and i was there with her when she passed.
My cat wizard aunt says that she is certain that it was FIP (Feline Infectious Peritonitis), which apparently doesn't have a lot of pain (which makes sense: Her cries were not cries of pain, but actually reminded me of a woman giving birth.) It also is apparently not something that is treatable, so nothing could have been done. Tigger passed in the best way possible, and i am SO grateful for that!
I thank everyone who offered their prayers, energies, and condolences. Though she did not make it, she let go, which was what she needed to do. I'm going to be crying a lot within the next few weeks, and i will really miss her, but she is where she needs to be. She is at peace.
Though i'm a day late (i should be on my way there right now), Becky and i are still going to Alchemy. I really need that. (I also really need to see Todd and Lorie, which will happen on the way back.) I welcome any hugs from y'all. If there isn't a temple there, i will attempt to make a small shrine of some sort, to honor her somehow.
I need that release.
Oh my sweet Tigger...i will always love you so very much...
 Feeling all: : Heartbroken |
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Sep. 3rd, 2009 @ 08:51 pm
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this is a
stop drop and roll zone
life jackets are not provided,
and neither is an extra heart,
you've got to go with the one you have.
sorry if you're fucked.
okay...
this is where you
stop
and reconsider everything going on around you
everything you've
made important.
what is a waste of time waiting for,
and what
is most
real,
what is most
everything that you are.
okay...
this is where you
drop
the bullshit
drop
the zig-zagging entities whooshing around you
with no idea where they're going
what they want
or what
they care about.
drop the heavy heavy boulders
sitting sharply on your shoulders
writing excuses and blurbs of nothing
that mean little
to what
is true.
drop
you.
okay...
this is where you
roll
with whatever else comes your way
the pebbles or boulders
rushing down the hill toward you.
roll
along with them,
or better yet,
fly.
maybe the dropped will see,
and fly along with you,
but that's not why you're doing it.
roll
with the waves.
open your arms,
raise your voice to the sky.
this
is
real.
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| » Wow... |
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I just had one of the most surreal experiences, and i wasn't on drugs or drunk, and it was in a coffee shop. And it was a two-parter too.
Wow.
Aug. 21st, 2009 @ 11:52 pm
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| » Explanation |
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If i seem distant or sad, both recently and for the foreseeable future, please forgive my emo-ism. (Actually, it's been an issue for quite awhile, but it seems to be getting worse as time passes.) I'm going through something very emotionally difficult. It's not really within my ability to change either, unfortunately. I'm healthy, as are my loved ones, and i have committed no crime. It's not that, and i won't say what exactly, because it's too personal, but it's something that's being really hard on me.
I imagine that if it was in its purest form, it would be perfectly fine the way it is, and sometimes it is, but not most of the time. Quite often, it feels like it's eating me alive. And like i said: It's not within my power to change it. I have no choice. And to be quite honest, i would much prefer to be comfortably numb. I've tried that too, but the metaphorical stone wall never seems to be strong enough.
I'll be okay. Dunno if "super" is in my near future, but i think i can swing "okay". Please forgive my distance and sadness. It's a trap i don't seem to have the key for.
Aug. 19th, 2009 @ 03:12 pm
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| » Horrific lessons and rushing rivers |
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People are starting to teach me horrific lessons that i refuse to believe. Like telling good truth is a bad thing. Game players get ahead, and the good and honest ones are tossed aside. I'm not even talking about myself anymore. I think it's terribly atrocious that someone can come out and be honest, then be set aside, and meanwhile, someone else plays games, and it's the game player that wins. What the hell is that all about? Like honesty and sincerity and true kindness and goodness of the heart is something to be avoided in a friend or mate. Like your perfect match is a selfish dishonest game player. It's horrific, and shameful.
People are dishonest with each other, and more so: People are damn dishonest with themselves.
The greatest goddess in the highest tower in the most amazing castle is the least likely to be taken by any man. For man will not venture for her. He will not reach out to take her hand. Goddess after goddess i have watched, untouched and seemingly unwanted. Their lonely tears flow as the greatest rushing river from the biggest sea. They cry out for someone to actually reach back to them, but though they are heard, no one ever comes. They're pitied, but never wanted.
Jul. 29th, 2009 @ 12:25 am
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| » Homesick, heartsick, lost, and found... |
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A thousand beautiful things...
There are nights sometimes when i miss NC way too much, and all of my family there. And sometimes, i'm not sure if - should i pick up and move to Asheville - i'd be going to or running from.
But it's nights like this that i'm pretty sure it's a bit of both. Running from Ohio in the first place is a time honoured tradition. It's heart-shaped, but Ohio is the mundane uptight blah-dee-blah of America. It's the organ that your body hasn't needed for thousands of years.
Although, my leaving Ohio wouldn't be just because of its generic uptight urban vs. corn bullshit.
I realize that there is bullshit everywhere, but damned if i'm starting to think that i could handle NC bullshit better than OH bullshit.
I suspect that a part of it has a good deal to do with the fact that Transformus is coming up this weekend, and i'm missing it again. As painful as it was to watch what happened with the ticket system last year, i still love everyone there a very great deal, and miss everyone like mad. I started with Transformus, and i figured it was just a burn thing to be so amazing. So i went to Scorched Nuts, and i went to Recycled Rainbow, and i went to Burning Man, and i realized that Transformus truly was unique. There is a magick there that i have yet to find at any other burn event. It's funny, actually...within the past few days, i've started to realize that i have to stop looking for that magick elsewhere, and bring it with me to the events i go to. And i know i can't do that as one person, but i can at least bring a spark of it. Maybe it'll grow.
It's something i wish i could share with those who haven't experienced it. I have no way of actually articulating it, especially T07. But a burn night that is so intense and beautiful and powerful that it has me nearly on my knees, totally sobbing, is of special notoriety.
And besides: I've been all over this country, and the NC mountains are unbeatable. ;)
So this is one of those nights where Mediaeval Baebe takes a look at what's around her, and is happy with some of it, and not happy with other parts. That's life, i guess. But this is the part where she has to ask herself: If she had the money, would she move to NC? And usually when she asks this question, the answer is "yes".
Jul. 15th, 2009 @ 02:25 am
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| » The Death of Cupid |
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I murdered Cupid.
I killed him dead!
He's planted little arrows in my skin, but never shoots at the one he got me started on in the first place. It's the same story over and over again, though it seems to get more intense and worse every time.
Nope, i killed Cupid. The bastard had it coming. It didn't get rid of the poison his arrows shot into my system, but at least he can do no more harm.
He whimpered a little, as he was drawing his last few breaths. The color that faded from his cheeks seemed to leave him and go off into the world to finally do good.
I murdered Cupid.
I killed him dead.
Now only proper romance with those lucky few can commence, without games and bullshit.
Will anyone dare to say that i've done wrong?
Jul. 8th, 2009 @ 11:45 pm
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| » **IMPORTANT** |
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If you have a Twitter account, set your location to Tehran and your time zone to GMT +3.30. Security forces are hunting for bloggers using location/timezone searches. The more people at this location, the more of a logjam it creates for forces trying to shut Iranians' access to the internet down. Cut, paste and please pass it on.
Jun. 20th, 2009 @ 08:38 pm
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| » A request |
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Can ya all do me a favour and be honest?
I've been noticing that there are certain people sometimes who most don't like, but everyone (or *many*, at least) acts all chummy and friends-like when that person is there. That seems terribly dishonest, and made me uneasy, so that is my request.
If - when i'm not there - you speak unkind words of me...
If you're just damn not fond of me at all...
If you'd rather we weren't friends/i wasn't in your life...
...please just be honest.
I try not to be a total bitch, so if i managed to offend you, then let me know. And if i just somehow get under your skin or really bug you, then don't pretend when i'm around. That isn't friendship, man, that's a sham.
Thank you. This has been a message of the "Woohoo, Honesty Rocks!" Foundation. ;)
And, to end on a lighter note...
Jun. 14th, 2009 @ 05:42 pm
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| » Warrior/Fool |
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She is standing at the crossroads of warrior and fool. A small bit of the path behind her is made up of the former, and most is made of of the latter. This is how the poem goes. She chose the path of warrior, stand tall and tell the truth for once, but was somehow thrown to the foolish road. We have no choice in the matter. This is not her choice to make. And so, she is walking the road of the fool. But the truthful warrior - grey clouds as the fool anyhow - regrets nothing, and will walk the road of the fool with the walk of a warrior. She has no other choice.
This is my path! Though i speak the truth, how it's really going in my mind, as too many never would, i refuse to feel the fool. I can be thrown as far on the road of the fools as far as anyone may choose to throw me, but i refuse to be consumed by this title, and i can't be: Truth is not foolish.
Jun. 5th, 2009 @ 05:31 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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Had loads and loads of good fun at the Hessler Street Fair last Sunday. It was crazy crowded though, so i spent most of the time by the stage. Saw numerous folks i know, including Ryan (Anderson, who was performing on stage when i got there), and Jeff (K). Also, i've been going to this thing for too long. Many familiar faces, none of which i actually know personally. The Hessler Fair crowd. ;) The highlight was a band from France by the name of Tarace Boulba, who rocked my socks off! The brass section disappeared behind the buildings, then from behind us, we heard them start to play. They walked through the audience in a parade of righteous brass-ism, up to the stage, and the whole thing began. There was also a woman who was brought up on stage who was an incredible traditional African dancer. Fantabulous!
Many photos here.
Here, let me mention it for the gazillionth time: People, Recycled Rainbow primer is coming up! Whole lotta fun! Seriously: I know it's not supposed to be a big deal, but i know there were people last year (myself included) who went through some of the decompression stuff that one tends to experience after a burn. And it's right here in the Cleveland area. How far away? North Ridgeville! And only $10! Come play with us! :)
http://www.recycledrainbow.org/primer/
Win of the Week
I actually haven't been to Stumbleupon in a few days, but i will happily post the very first thing that this site introduced me to. Some of you good folk are aware that i'm actually really interested in meteorology - tornadoes in particular. So, Stumbleupon - in its infinite wisdom - knew to send me in the direction of this site. Even if you're not interested in weather, these photos are truly breathtaking...
Storm pictures of awesome.
P.S.
Finally saw Slumdog Millionaire last night. Shite! I highly recommend!
May. 19th, 2009 @ 04:02 pm
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I've recently stumbled upon stumbleupon.com, which has resulted in me finding lots of win in only one evening. Such win includes many things i wish to share with the world, and feel it is my duty to therefore begin a "Win of the Week" entry in this here lil blog of random. (Those on my friends list on Facebook will also be seeing these, fyi.)
Our first "Win of the Week" will especially entertain the ones out there who are getting picked on by the bill collectors more than the others. You know, the little ones on the playground who get beat up by the National City bullies. :P
Man Tries To Pay Bill With Spider Drawing
May. 14th, 2009 @ 03:19 pm
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| » Art & Transformation |
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I've been getting quieter and quieter lately, confused and strange and possibly sailing on away from myself (or to myself?) As Agnes Whistling Elk would put it: I transform you, so i myself am transforming. I never asked for any of this, but everyone knows that no one ever has a choice in the matter. And as we transform, things get quiet, and out we come: Reborn, and more beautiful than before, singing.
It shall all be well. :)
RR primer is coming up very soon, and i'm excited about it. I haven't fully burned since last September! I mentioned it in the last post, as you may recall. There will be belly dancing and tea and art making (big and small) and bonfires and people DJing and more than likely projector goodness. You will be able to find me at the gate (or bolting towards your car from a different direction, because i was off partying when i was supposed to be doing gate duty. *evil grin*) I will not have any projects ready to be done in time, which is fine: My thing for Cyberdelic this year is more art piece focused anyhow, and doesn't need to be pre-tested anywhere but my own backyard.
I will also remind everyone: We have a gig on Saturday at Book & Bean in Berea: 50 Front Street. My violinist rehearsal and inspirations more recently have been more Loreena McKennitt and Andrew Bird oriented, so this time, look for a classical style with a Celtic/Mid-Eastern flair. (I will never make up my mind on those terms: How fun is that?)
May. 11th, 2009 @ 05:21 pm
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| » Blessed birthday |
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That's "bless-ed", like "Bless Ed, for he hath the magic brownies, and may share if you praise-eth him and give-eth him wine...-eth."
Today, i got one of the best birthday gifts ever, in all of my years, i must say. The huge amount of birthday wishes and kind words were overwhelming. I had no idea i was so loved. :) Thank you to everyone! You know i love you all dearly!
The sun came out and the air warmed up. (My journal tells me that it did this on my birthday last year too. Why? Because i am the queen. ) Went to the Notacon preview. This was basically the presenters talking about what they'd be showing and such over the weekend. Much gadget and technical stuff that was a bit beyond my geek intellect. I know there will be things happening at Notacon over the weekend that will be full of serious epic win-a-tude.
I ended up in the bar downstairs with Jeff, Jessica, her friend (whose name i believe was Sherry(?)), Craig, Sam, Becky, and my family (parents and brother). We all (save Jessica and Sherry) ended up at the Lit in Tremont, which is somehow fast becoming my most frequent hang-out second only to Everyman's. Though i'm still battling a cold and was not *quite* my jolly self, i was in a good place with good people, and had a good night. :)
I am blessed.
Apr. 17th, 2009 @ 01:58 am
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| » More poetry |
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somewhere in a shadow,
she is walking along a fence,
hard ground below her,
and a little bit slower stride.
she
walks like she has
nothing
though she knows better
yet, some days,
it simply feels that
way,
it feels that way, it
feels...
that way.
there is nothing like
a young woman, sitting in a
puddle
of a little bit of self-pity.
but she is like the plant,
that strives to grow,
because of the pinprick of light
shining through
shining though
shining
through
::you::.
and there,
in the shadow,
next to the fence and
peaking through a
crack in the asphalt
she notices for the first time
the first dandilion of spring.
-there she is.-
Apr. 12th, 2009 @ 07:01 pm
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| » Carnivolution: Spring Fling |
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(NOTE: Carnivolution: Spring Fling was a burner party/benefit for the Southern Ohio burners (Scorched Nuts folk and all that), with a prom theme, which was held in Cincinnati. Some of my friends went down there for it, and this is the story of how it went...)
( Carnivolution: Spring Fling (with photos!) )
Mar. 30th, 2009 @ 05:43 pm
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lillianna's journal